I have been using an online dating app on and off for a few years now. I don’t really enjoy the whole online approach as I would rather meet someone organically in person, but I live in New York City with a very busy schedule, so here we are.
I’ve had discussions with friends about dating where we encourage each other to give different guys a chance, going on more than one date with a person to see if you like them. But is that really sound advice? I’ve wondered, why should I go on a second date with someone if the first date was less than stellar? What about if I have a nice time, but I’m not interested? If I don’t leave a date thinking I want a second one, why am I forced to set one up?
So, keeping this in mind, I decided to take Marie Kondo’s de-cluttering approach to dating. If the date doesn’t spark joy, then I’m not going on a second one. If the conversation online doesn’t spark joy, then I’m not going on the first date. Now, maybe this isn’t the best practice, but it could save everyone some time. I’ve gone on some dates where I had a nice time, but I didn’t want to sit in conversation with that man again. That is perfectly acceptable to me. I don’t want to be forced to hang out with someone in hopes that eventually I’ll like them.
I am not getting any younger so this year I’m surrounding myself with those who make me laugh, those I share and collaborate with, and those who bring me joy. I have gone on a couple dates with this approach in mind and had to politely tell the person “no” when they asked for a second date. Did I feel bad? Maybe a little, but if I wasn’t excited to be with them, I really don’t think a second date is going to be much better.
I’m not giving up on dating, but I am being more selective. That doesn’t mean I’m picky. I just know my values and my worth which leads me to where I’ll spend my time. I’m hoping that focusing on the joy will lead me to more authentic connections. So, if you are single my advice is, don’t waste your time on dates that could possibly maybe turn into something. If it doesn’t spark joy in your heart, soul, life, then don’t pursue it!! This goes for all areas of life, including dating.